Marriages are tough. Once the honeymoon ends, every couple faces the hard reality that, yes, they really are two different people living under the same roof. Some soldier on and make things work, while others lose their way and find a different path without their partner.
Dan Levy Dagerman’s film You, Me & Her takes a very compelling look at this phase in a married couple’s life. At times rough, at times humorous, Dagerman’s film effectively shows how many couples – specifically in the worst of times – can make choices that either make or break their pact. The end product is a wonderful, and stimulating, story with characters that we want to root for, even if they become their own worst enemies.
You, Me & Her centers on Ash and Magdalena “Mags”, a couple suffering from the wear and tear of a ten year marriage. Mags (Selina Ringel) is the unwilling breadwinner while Ash (Ritesh Rajan) dabbles in the marijuana dispensary business. Both have hit the point in their marriage where their emotional needs have gone unmet for some time. In an attempt to save their marriage, both embark on a spicy getaway to Mexico. Here, Mags encounters a digital nomad, Angela (Sydney Park), who’s calming nature awakens a sudden desire that Mags hasn’t felt in a long time.
Written and produced by leading actress, Selina Ringel, the subject matter is quite a tricky topic to unravel. Yet, Ringel effectively weaves a story that keeps us rooted in the moment and hopeful that the couple will make it through their dilemma.
At first, we’re treated to a relatively predictable trope. The wife works for an unappreciative husband. Resentment builds, divorce looms, and one will be cast as the bad guy. However, Ringel presents a different formula that leaves us guessing what may happen next.
One interesting aspect of this approach is that, at times, it’s hard to determine who the protagonists or antagonists really are. Each character is left to their own devices and occasionally makes a choice many would consider reprehensible, but Ringel provides the right amount of context for us to understand their decisions.
Mags, played by Ringel herself, is a frustrated wife who’s suddenly roused to excitement after meeting a sexy female yoga instructor and digital nomad. On one hand, Mags has built a life with Ash after ten long years and even shares a child with him. On the other hand, her marriage is far from happy, and Angela’s presence makes up for this lack of happiness. You can fault Mags for pursuing an affair, but given Ash’s shortcomings as a supportive husband, you can’t fault her for wanting to escape either.
Opposite Mags is Ash, played wonderfully by Ritesh Rajan. Like Mags, he too is burnt out from the marriage. He’s more focused on his business and fails to consider his wife’s emotional needs. However, he doesn’t show signs of wanting out of this marriage.
In fact, the moment Angela is introduced, Ash sees a wild side of Mags that has not been present for a while. A predictable trope may have been for Ash to grow bitter and resentful, but in a humorous twist, Ash becomes eager to see what else Angela can bring out of Mags in terms of excitement. It’s an odd idiosyncrasy for sure, but we feel for him now that he’s no longer bored with the marriage.
Strangely enough, I felt happy for both of them at this point. They cross all the wrong lines as a married couple, and they have fun doing so.
In the middle of this is Angela, who could have easily been written as a seductive enchantress with a malicious plot against Mags and/or Ash. She’s romantically interested in Mags, but has a soft spot for Ash. She’s non-monogamous and free-spirited, seeing the good in almost everyone. In this light, her presence is therapeutic in many ways, something of which Mags and Ash are needing.
The conflict of Ringel’s story is quite intriguing to say the least. Temptation is a daunting obstacle for any marriage. Yet, Ringel casts it as something that awakens Ash and Mags’ hidden passions. After all, they’re two consenting adults on the verge of middle age. They can’t help escaping this languishing fact by exploring deep-seated taboos between themselves and other people.
At the same time, we’re left with the knowledge that at some point, the consequences of these choices will revisit these characters – and they do. Even then, we’re still left with the hope that everything will work out for everyone.
Dagerman and Ringel (Dagerman’s real life wife) effectively deliver an amusing film exploring the depths couples may go to keep their marriage afloat. It never gets preachy nor melodramatic. Rather, it reminds us that while marriage may be one of the toughest endeavors many of us face, it can also be truly enriching if we take risks and even look hard in the least explored places.
REVIEW SCORE: 4.5/5
